Can God Heal a Marriage After Betrayal or Cheating? How Love Styles Shape Relationships & God’s Power to Restore

When trust is broken — through infidelity, betrayal, addiction, or years of neglect — it’s easy to believe the damage is beyond repair. But God specializes in restoration. Pastors Rich and Annette Dennison of Open Arms Community Church in Bradford, PA know this firsthand.

Their story is one of deep wounds, broken trust, and bad patterns — but also of healing, forgiveness, and transformation through Christ. Along the way, they discovered something powerful: many of the struggles we face in marriage don’t start in marriage. They start in childhood.

How Childhood Love Styles Shape Adult Relationships

Your “love style” is a relational pattern formed early in life — based on how you experienced connection, comfort, and conflict in your family. These patterns, if left unhealed, can quietly sabotage your marriage.

Rich and Annette identified four main love styles that often show up in relationships:

1. The Avoider

• Childhood root: Emotional needs overwhelmed or ignored by a parent.
• Adult behavior: Avoids emotions (both their own and their spouse’s), downplays needs, prefers independence.
• Typical phrases: “I’m fine,” “Just give me space,” “I don’t cry.”
• Biblical reminder: “In your anger do not sin… and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:26–27) God doesn’t tell us to avoid emotions — but to handle them in a way that honors Him.

2. The Pleaser

• Childhood root: Parents were overly critical, anxious, or controlling.
• Adult behavior: Reduces conflict by always trying to make others happy — often at the expense of their own needs.
• Typical phrases: “Whatever you decide,” “I just want to be with you.”
• Biblical reminder: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?” (Galatians 1:10) Our worth comes from God, not human approval.

3. The Vacillator

• Childhood root: Inconsistent attention and affection from a parent.
• Adult behavior: Swings between craving intense connection and pushing people away when hurt.
• Typical phrases: “It’s love at first sight,” “If you would change, I’d be happy.”
• Biblical reminder: James 1:6 warns against being “like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” Stability comes from trusting God’s unchanging love.

4. The Chaotic (Controller or Victim)

• Childhood root: Abuse, neglect, or unstable home life.
• Adult behavior: Controllers try to dominate to feel safe; Victims withdraw to survive.
• Typical phrases (Controller): “Don’t question me,” “It’s either me or you.”
• Typical phrases (Victim): “It’s my fault,” “It’s not so bad.”
• Biblical reminder: God invites the brokenhearted to find healing, safety, and identity in Him.

Our Story: From Brokenness to Healing

Rich and Annette’s marriage went through seasons of deep hurt:

• Infidelity
• Alcohol abuse and reckless behavior
• Financial collapse
• Betrayal of trust
• Unhealed childhood wounds

But God used unexpected people, a loving church family, and the truth of His Word to draw them back together. Healing didn’t happen overnight — it was a process of:

1. Acknowledging the past — Recognizing wounds and patterns without blaming everything on others.
2. Exploring faith — Learning to see themselves and each other through God’s eyes.
3. Building community — Finding safe, Christ-centered relationships that encouraged growth and accountability.

Can God Heal a Marriage After Cheating?

Yes — but it requires:

• Honest confession (James 5:16)
• True repentance — not just words, but a turning away from destructive behavior
• Rebuilding trust through consistent truthfulness and follow-through
• Forgiveness that releases bitterness (Ephesians 4:31–32)
• God’s transforming power — because self-help tips alone can’t heal a heart

Rich says, “God didn’t just fix our marriage — He changed us. That’s the real miracle.”

What to Do If Your Relationship Feels Hopeless

If you’re wondering, “Can God fix my marriage?”, here’s a roadmap:

1. Ask God for help — Pray honestly about your pain and fears.
2. Identify your love style — Understand how past wounds shape your responses.
3. Seek biblical counsel — A pastor, Christian counselor, or mentor can help guide you.
4. Commit to healing — Even if your spouse isn’t ready, you can start making healthy changes.
5. Get into community — Healing happens faster when you’re not isolated.

Bible Verses for Healing & Restoration

• Isaiah 41:10 — “Do not fear, for I am with you… I will strengthen you and help you.”
• Matthew 11:28–30 — “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
• John 16:33 — “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

You Are Not Beyond Hope

Betrayal is devastating — but it doesn’t have to be the end of your story. God can take the messiest situation and bring beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3).

If you’re ready to begin again, ask Him to heal your heart, transform your love style, and teach you to love as He loves.

📍 Join us: Sunday mornings at 71 Congress Street, Bradford, PA
🔗 Plan your visit: Open Arms Community Church Visit Page

Resources

How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich